


Dear Marco, I miss you more than anything

by alien_in_the_sea



Series: Letters after death (JeanMarco) [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, IM RLY ANGSTY IM SORRY, M/M, Other, Post Chapter 77
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 14:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6808960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alien_in_the_sea/pseuds/alien_in_the_sea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "Dear Jean, I'm sorry I'm dead" which is basically Jean's response to Marco's letter</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Marco, I miss you more than anything

Dear Marco:

Oh how I’ve missed you. I miss your laugh and your smile and the constellations of freckles in your face. I miss your optimism and I miss your eyes. I don’t know what was worse, finding your body laying alone in the street after the battle or finding out what happened to you. Your funeral was horrible. Even Jaeger cried for you. I almost lost my mind that day. It was horribly painful to see you and realising you were gone and it made it worse thinking that no one saw you.

But I think I prefer that over what I found out. I’ve always hated the three of them. Annie, Reiner and Berthold. Annie was always cold and distant from all of us. Reiner was always an asshole. But not the type of asshole I can get along with, like Eren. But the type of asshole I just need to punch in the face. And Berthold always seemed just… off.

Marco, you kind, lovely and gentle soul. You can forgive them all you want but you’ve got me there, I want them to pay for what they did to you.

I can’t believe the way those bastard made you suffer. It is too much for me. I wish I could’ve helped you.

I can’t imagine how scared and how betrayed you must’ve felt and I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I wish I could’ve saved you, Marco.

You were always smart, as smart as Armin, so don’t blame yourself for what you knew. One of you two would’ve figured it out eventually.

Although you think so, they aren’t human, Marco. They are monsters. And not because they are titan-shifters, because that would make Jaeger a monster and although he annoys me and I want to punch him 98% of the time, he isn’t a monster at all. Annie, Berthold and Reiner are monsters because of what they were capable of.

They took your 3DMG because they needed to take someone’s. They didn’t even find someone who was already dead. They killed you. By leaving you out there, in a place swarming with titans, without gear and scared shitless, they killed you.

I don’t want to imagine your face when you cried before the titan saw you, because I remember the night when you cried into my shoulder way too vividly. I don’t want to add to that image anymore. Your face is meant to be happy and peaceful and full of joy. Not crying and scared. Not dead.

Marco, I wish I could’ve seen your future. I wish I could’ve seen you graduate, standing next to me. I wish I could’ve seen the end of this war with you by my side, because you were always there to calm me down. We both knew the risks of getting involved in this stupid fight against titans but we both dived in and fought anyway.

Marco, don’t blame yourself for what they did. They left you alone and you cried and you were scared and I could’ve tried to find you but I didn’t and you died and they’re going to pay. Trust me, they will regret doing what they did.

I hate imagining a titan grabbing you and killing you but I see it every night in my nightmares. Marco, I see you die in front of me every night. I see your tear-filled eyes, your freckled face filled with horror and fear, I see the betrayal you feel, and I see Annie, Berthold and Reiner standing by.

You really underestimate my ability to hate. It’s something I’ve always been good at. It comes naturally to me and I can intensely hate many people at once. Like Annie. Like Reiner. Like Berthold. Like whoever gave them the other.

Whether they cried or not, whether they wanted to do it or not, doesn’t change the fact that they did it and you’re gone now.

I prefer this over the closure I was getting, Marco, I really do. I prefer this because your death isn’t a mystery anymore. I prefer this because I know who the enemy is and I will do everything I can to kill those bastards, or at least outlive them to see them pay.

Marco, I miss you so much. You know I’ve never been good with words but I wanted you to know how much I miss you.

I miss your encouragement. I miss your smiles. I miss your laugh. I miss the way the corner of your eyes would crinkle a little bit when you laughed. I miss your freckles. I miss your liveliness. I miss the peace that you brought. I miss your kindness.

I miss the moment when you stopped me from acting on impulse. I miss those night when we were both having too much and we were scared so we cried in each other’s shoulders because that meant you were alive and so was I. I miss your hugs because they brought me comfort and reassurance and I knew that as long as I was with you, everything was going to be fine. I miss those night when I would wake up from a nightmare and you already knew what to do.

Marco, I see your smile, your freckles and your eyes everywhere. I see your ghost with me and I must admit, I cry when I’m alone. But when I see you next to me in the battlefield, it fills me with determination. Because I won’t get killed and waste my life and let your memory die out. Because you want me to lead and I will do it. Because they killed you and I want every single monster who had to do with your death pay for what they did.

They killed a kind, brave and gentle person. I wish you were here with me. I miss you so much and sometimes I don’t know how I will get by without you by my side.

But now you’re gone.

Dear Marco, I miss you more than anything else.

Jean.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm sorry if that was too angsty but for some reason I seem to be inclined to writing angst fanfictions. I thought about writing another JeanMarco for a while now but I just came up with what to write like an hour ago.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, if any of you are reading my Wolfstar fanfiction, I'm really sorry for not updating but I've hit a massive writer's block.


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